Friday, August 1, 2008


so i haven't done this in a while... and i thought i was gonna stop completely...but writing really does help release stress... a lil, and anything will help! since i have a bit of down time at work, why the heck not... here we go -

the things that i find inevitable to happen to me (at some point of my life); that's happened so far (and mind you, this all happened w/in a week); when it rains, it pours! =T... first i was stomped with the news that my little brother is going to be a dad.. YES my little brother. well i guess he's not "little" anymore, but he's my younger sib and i'll always see him as a kid to some extent. he's only 20 and i KNOW for a fact that he can't be responsible of someone else's life yet, esp since he can't even take care of himself! God help us! he thinks everything will be ok cuz he's THAT ignorant of the fact that there is a bigger picture to really consider in this situation. i am VERY upset and disappointed, but at this point, that's not gonna do me or anyone any good, esp my mom. Her health is my main concern right now, and my brother's behavior and attitude towards all this shit is NOT helping me feel happy, excited or supportive just yet.... i know its selfish, but with everything that's going on in the family, i dont just "think" but i KNOW that my feelings aren't selfish at all. Until my mom's really ok and feeling good (healthwise) then I can be ok about all this, and maybe i can finally be the excited Aunt to be!

fought with best friend and her bf... shit hit the fucking fan! BIG TIME. the only thing that i can say anymore about that is, i don't regret that it happened, i'm GLAD that it happened, and at the end, you really see what kind of friends you have, and who your true friends are. my favorite quote from all this "i'm done!"

i still haven't bought my ticket to Canada for my MUCH NEEDED vacation, and for that, it's adding to my frustrations and stress that it's making it completely worth it to just spend "that" much for that trip because i will explode if i don't get away even for just a bit.

speaking of Canada, Eugene is going back at the end of Aug. i'm soooo sad and i misssss him sooo much already even if he's still here. i can't be thankful enough that he was here since May 4th!!! it's been the best summer spending it with him, even if we haven't even really done lots of summer activities. of course this was the longest that we've been physically together, and it has helped us learn more about eachother,we've grown so much that it has done nothing but made us stronger. He's done so much to make me HAPPY that sometimes he doesn't even know he's doing it. cheesy i know, but i'm actually at my point in life and relationship that i can say that i've found someone who truly makes me happy. genuinely happy! i mean, yes i'll always be sad about the fact that we're so far from eachother, but that even adds into it! his being patient with our shitty long distance situation and continually loves to make it work, means so much to me... why does Canada have to be so far away? why does HE have to be so far away? :(

i'm so emo! i hate going thru this stupid spell once in a while! bleh!