inevitable

so i haven't done this in a while... and i thought i was gonna stop completely...but writing really does help release stress... a lil, and anything will help! since i have a bit of down time at work, why the heck not... here we go -

the things that i find inevitable to happen to me (at some point of my life); that's happened so far (and mind you, this all happened w/in a week); when it rains, it pours! =T... first i was stomped with the news that my little brother is going to be a dad.. YES my little brother. well i guess he's not "little" anymore, but he's my younger sib and i'll always see him as a kid to some extent. he's only 20 and i KNOW for a fact that he can't be responsible of someone else's life yet, esp since he can't even take care of himself! God help us! he thinks everything will be ok cuz he's THAT ignorant of the fact that there is a bigger picture to really consider in this situation. i am VERY upset and disappointed, but at this point, that's not gonna do me or anyone any good, esp my mom. Her health is my main concern right now, and my brother's behavior and attitude towards all this shit is NOT helping me feel happy, excited or supportive just yet.... i know its selfish, but with everything that's going on in the family, i dont just "think" but i KNOW that my feelings aren't selfish at all. Until my mom's really ok and feeling good (healthwise) then I can be ok about all this, and maybe i can finally be the excited Aunt to be!

fought with best friend and her bf... shit hit the fucking fan! BIG TIME. the only thing that i can say anymore about that is, i don't regret that it happened, i'm GLAD that it happened, and at the end, you really see what kind of friends you have, and who your true friends are. my favorite quote from all this "i'm done!"

i still haven't bought my ticket to Canada for my MUCH NEEDED vacation, and for that, it's adding to my frustrations and stress that it's making it completely worth it to just spend "that" much for that trip because i will explode if i don't get away even for just a bit.

speaking of Canada, Eugene is going back at the end of Aug. i'm soooo sad and i misssss him sooo much already even if he's still here. i can't be thankful enough that he was here since May 4th!!! it's been the best summer spending it with him, even if we haven't even really done lots of summer activities. of course this was the longest that we've been physically together, and it has helped us learn more about eachother,we've grown so much that it has done nothing but made us stronger. He's done so much to make me HAPPY that sometimes he doesn't even know he's doing it. cheesy i know, but i'm actually at my point in life and relationship that i can say that i've found someone who truly makes me happy. genuinely happy! i mean, yes i'll always be sad about the fact that we're so far from eachother, but that even adds into it! his being patient with our shitty long distance situation and continually loves to make it work, means so much to me... why does Canada have to be so far away? why does HE have to be so far away? :(

i'm so emo! i hate going thru this stupid spell once in a while! bleh!

Sometimes we just need to be reminded

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200,

he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know,

but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are special - Don't EVER forget it."

Count your blessings, not your problems. If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

renter's ignorance

so i just found out today that tenants LIKE MOI should be getting renter's insurance!! omg.. it so makes sense! but yea i got all cheapo-depo about it and i hesitated.. regardless, that's one new thing i learned today

going forward, i wanna start documenting all the new things i learn everyday -- for future amusement hah!

dumb!

what was i thinking giving up chocolate at this time of the year?!!!

Valentines and Anniversary..

Ya I was obviously not thinking!!

I wouldn't be surprised if I fail...

tsk tsk tsk..

I want my chocolates :(

good bye chocolates.... cya later?

ok ... so 40 days.. not THAT long compared to giving something up forever...but i believe that this can be a really good start to improve.. haha.. i have finally decided to give up the second love of my life - CHOCOLATES (and as much as possible random sweets and candies too)... before i would always think of something that will be hard for me to give up, anything besides chocolate!! it has been way overdue and its time!! lol...

i know that since the time span that this sacrifice falls within lent, therefore this should be related to religious reasons... and i dont question my faith in religion - i still believe strongly in God and even if i don't attend mass as much as i should, i know my faith is still well intact... however, i wanna see this opportunity as not just something religious but also for self-improvement purposes... if i, and i am well determined to, succeed in this challenge then my goal is to not eat as much chocolates/candies after lent... hoping that giving it up for a while will help me get used to not eating it and decrease (exponentially!! haha) my cravings for these lil devils...

now the cravings - that's a whole different story... i have the cravings of a pregnant woman! its horrible and unbearable at times... i can't sit still and concentrate on what i'm doing unless i get my fix! working on that and it will absolutely be extra challenging for this time...

so goodbye chocolates and of course be more consistent with exercising and working out...

this will be interesting...

looking around seeing the bosses panic

i have come to the realization that I need to start looking for a new job, like soon, no rush, but soon - not knowing how secure the employee retention will be once we have completely transitioned to the new owner of our department, i just wouldn't wanna be left out sitting around being unemployed. there's still a chance that i can get hired, and according to my supervisors this might actually be a better opportunity for me which is true, but we all just sit here waiting to see if we're staying or leaving (yes, even the managing director)...sux big time but i guess that's corporate world for us! =T

on that note... i was thinking of sticking with the same position, i know its not related to my major so until i have (if i will) a Masters in Psyc and can therefore pursue a career in that field... at least i have a pretty good background and experience in this position thus far... pay is pretty decent in the financial department so why not?... then i think about how its such a dragg waking up so damn early since we work with Stock Market hours (east coast), then again comes the up side of it which is that i get off pretty early too and i still have most of the day to do whatever. BUT what's the point of getting off early when everyone else is still at work anyways and i'm always alone at home (pretending to be brave), then i always have to be in bed so early... so i'm now considering normal office hours and being optimistic to find a good job that pays well and has great benefits (i.e. lotsa paid vacations and time off LOL - who needs health insurance, just pay for my vacation hehe)... work is just really something to kill time while waiting for retirement; its pretty much just an investment for a longer vacation later on - wow, I really am lazy!!!

someday i wanna own a vacation house.... a cottage near the beach/lake = relaxing!!! :)

i want i want i want

wanna watch:

27 dresses
1408 (right?)
Awake
The Eye

ok maybe The Jumper too

the end...


i went thru last yr's calendar and must admit...
i was equally amazed and embarrassed from
all the stuff that i wrote on it!!!
need to work on organizing this yr's calendar
and start it all over again :P

life really IS short

this past weekend 2 guys passed away (one was a friend from H.S. and one was a friend's bf)... they both died from cancer at an early age of 24 :( its absolutely appalling thinking how many people that I actually know passed away in a matter of months intervals, i don't even want to name them out because it's sad... in a way it's good to know that they're no long suffering, but I feel for the family that they have left behind (to which some of those were actually my family too) and for the future ahead of them that they didn't get to live through...

We find ourselves constantly complaining about anything and everything when we always miss the little things in life that matter the most...we are blessed to wake up every day healthy and surrounded by the people that we love and knowing that they care about us too

Life is short.

Forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly,

Love truly,

Laugh uncontrollably...

and never regret anything that made you smile.

E.L.B. day

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!!!

new year

ok so its midway thru January already, literally since its the 15th today... that kinda went by fast, except when im at work the day seems to be dragging all the time... went thru the xanga and read my old posts...well not too old since my first one got deleted and so i started that other one during my sr. yr in college already...pretty interesting stuff, i love reading old stuff just to see what was going on in my head at that time..

im definitely just wasting time right now...spreading out my projects at work so i have something to work on and keep me busy the whole day...

ne weiz, back to the xanger - read stuff about the 07 new yr shpeal... proud to say that i did the stuff i wanted to do...should stick to that mentality so i can do the same for this yr, except my goals for this yr is more challenging...its doable tho!! i'll make it happen... thankful for a wonderful and absolutely blessed 2007 and this is a start of another wonderful year... welcoming it with optimism and excitement!!!

(hhmm there's no smiley faces on this thing!!)...

a lil shaky at work...

thinking that the lay offs from Nov/Dec were already done... it isn't yet... so much going on, lotsa new executives in charge, therefore an inevitable re structuring of a good chunk of the bank is in the process... conf. call w/ the CEO tomorrow and hopefully we'll find out if we're still going to exist after that or not... wishful thinking - still waiting to get hired permanent!!

weekend was good and relaxing... some laundry and cleaning up, dentist, choir, and lotsa movies!!! can't wait till next weekend to come again!

and as always... missing my Canadian... babe's bday is coming up in a week!! wish i could be there =T

being an adult means...

1. waking up at the crack of dawn everyday to go to work
2. going to work doing the same routine over and over knowing that it'll most likely be like this for the rest of time until retirement comes...
3. at one point (and hopefully for not sooo long) living off of paycheck to paycheck
4. trying to be independent even if it means having a tight budget
5. looks forward to vacations because they are crucial for keeping oneself sane and not being too overwhelmed with work
6. thinks of an excuse to call in sick every morning
7. tries so hard to go to the gym and yet eats so unhealthy at times to alleviate some stress
8. sacrificing a lot for the sake of others
9. making your own doctor's and dentist appointments (lol... right mari?)
10. getting your own insurance
11. more appreciative
12. having random wine drinking nights at home w/ the roommies...ergo, enjoys wine a lot more
13. eats yogurts and veggies and actually be excited about it
14. enjoys the company of family...but not an OD of it!
15. don't get gifts during holidays anymore, but can't get away from giving gifts (except of course from one's significant other)

mind you, that's only some...ok that's it for now.. i should get back to work haha

it comes and goes

where to start?... let's see...

dec. 24:
the big day... mom's surprise party and Eugene's arrival... man was i excited or what?!! that day was sooo hectic and crazy tho.. tryinna prepare everything for my mom's party and not enough time to do everything... picked up Eugene from the airport but we ended up missing eachother and he was walking around for so long while i was still at the waiting area thinking that they were just a bit delayed... poor thing.... then i finally got to see him and it was alll good again... it was great seeing him again after about 4mos... went back home to get ready for mom's party and still kept tryinna convince mom to go, of course her lazy bum wanted to stay home and not go anymore but we made her feel bad that she needs to go to that "party" ne weiz... finally got her outta the house and tadaaa! Surprise!! she cried right after everyone yelled out surprise, it was all good after that... minor problems, like the cake was made wrong!! stupid ppl...but over all it went well...the cleaning up part wasn't fun tho =X

dec. 25:
xmas day & mom's actual bday...it was chill, we went to church and hung out at home... not like the usual that we'd have a party and ppl would come over..but no biggie cuz we had the party the day before ne weiz...and it was wonderful cuz i got to spend it w/ Eugene.. it was our first xmas together :)

and the days that followed:
watched I am legend at the IMAX on a tripple date w/ Mari, Marc, Shell & Jon. got ready for our SoCal trip which i didn't really pack for till the day of (27th). Roadtrip (San Diego/Mexico/LA)was awesome.. had sooo much fun!!! i wish i can go back in time and relive it again!!! Mexico was an interesting experience..non the less, we all had a wonderful time!!

dec. 31st..
new yrs eve's plan didn't go as planned, Eugene and I ended up hanging out w/ my family again, which i felt so bad for him that he had to do that! but he said he didn't mind, he didn't get bored since we watched my brother and his friends got stupid drunk again... had our lil wanna be fire works watching outside... really we just heard them but didn't see any, while we were making our drunken NYE calls...regardless of getting stuck w/ the fambam on NYE... i still had a great time since Eugene was there :) (i'm cheesy... i know..lol)

at this point i kinda wanted time to stop for a while.. i didn't want it to be January yet...but no can do... On the 3rd i took Eugene to watch the Sharks game as a bday gift.. it was both our first time watching an NHL game.. it was soooo exciting... really fun! if it wasn't so expensive i'd wanna watch that all the time!!! Then Friday night we all had a lil get together at the house for Eugene's going away thing.. his last night :( we all had fun too.. got super wasted and woke up with horrible hang overs... Saturday came and i was dreading it... i hated knowing that i had to drop him off to the airport that night and was hoping that his flight will get canceled due to the storm so i'd get to have him for at least one more night... but no... he called me early sunday to let me know that he's home already and of course i got all sad again...im such a cry baby...

hoping that our plan to see eachother next month will pull thru....crossing fingers!!! so now back to the routine.. work work work YAY (screaming w/ sarcasm)